One of the first advices you receive when you mention your anxiety is to do exercise. This advice though, has some logic behind. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, a chemical process that trigger positive feelings and overall is good for your body and mind. Sounds easy, right? Well… let me tell you. For some of us anxiety sufferers, even trying to do something you know will be good for your body, can be a struggle. Even when you enjoy exercising, the ‘effing’ monster sometimes appears in the middle of your workout crapping on your efforts of trying to be healthier.
I used to enjoy exercise without problems. After my first daughter was born, it took me less than a year to get back in shape and feeling like myself again. Second time around things were completely different. I gained much more weight, I had less time, and I was exhausted aaaalllll the time. Actually, if I have to confess, I think the first year of being a mom of two has been one of the hardest years of my life. My inability to get in shape, plus my struggles with motherhood made me a person I didn’t recognize, literally. I didn’t like the person I saw in the mirror and I didn’t like the person inside either. I was depressed and anxious, until one day I decided to start running.
Stop right there. Don’t think even for a second this is one of those stories you read in fitness magazines when the person tells you how running made them lose 150 pounds and then proceed to show you the pictures of before and after. I am not even close to my pre Erik shape and weight and he just turned 5… Running has not taken me there yet, however, it gave a great tool to fight my anxiety monster.
I started running 5ks. I remember that after I finished my first one, I felt like I just had come back from war. But with time, I started learning how to train, and I actually now enjoy running on the beach and try longer races from time to time. I am not the fastest, and my one and only rule in my journey to become a better person is not allowing myself to compete with other people but myself. Beating my own records, running a little bit faster, becoming stronger, those are my goals. I don’t care what other people do in the gym or post on social media.
For the past couple of years my weight has had a yo-yo effect, in part thanks to anxiety, because there are periods of time that I just simply don’t want to do it. The monster wins some battles, it happens. Also, I have had panic attacks in the middle of workouts. But then, I feel a great satisfaction when I decide to drag my anxiety monster along and show him that I can do this. Every time I finish a race, or even a freaking complete Zumba class, I feel I am moving forward and I am getting better. Some weeks are better than others, some workouts are better than others, actually I just had a massive panic attack the other day at the gym. I allowed a couple of days to just relax and do nothing. But I came back today, I finished my workout and I kicked my anxiety monster’s butt.
I don’t know if I’ll get back in shape, or if I’ll lose the weight I want to. All I know is that progress is progress and it makes me feel better one day at a time.
